Groom Bride Maid of Honour Mother of the Bride
Minister Best man Father of the Bride Jesus Guests
Guests and Players assemble beforehand. Players should speak to guests in the manner
of a wedding so as to allow everyone to know who the players are. The Bride of Christ says nothing and is always accompanied by the attendants who do the talking for her.
Come the hour the players separate facing the guests who are encouraged to stand in rows by the Best Man. Wagner ‘here comes the bride’ music is played.
Maid of Honour (to Bride):
This is so exciting. After all those years calling yourself the Bride of Christ I’m so glad you stopped waiting for that hippy to show up and settled for somebody more reliable.
Father of the Bride (to Bride):
Yes my dear, you’ve done very well. We’ve all done very well out of this engagement.
Mother of the Bride (to Bride):
It’s about time. You can’t spend your whole life trimming a wick.
Best man (to Bride):
Yes, you should consider yourself lucky. you’re not getting any younger are you?
Maid of Honour (to Guests):
Awwwww, look she’s crying.
Groom (to Guests):
Never mind her, everybody cries at a wedding. Now let’s hurry this up! I have another wedding in half an hour.
Minister (to All):
I also have another wedding in half an hour. Can we get this over and done with?
Minister: May the dividends of our Lord Fossil Fuel,
the love of Money,
and the fellowship of the Market
be with you.
All: And with your pension fund.
Minister: Money is god, and they who own money
are gods and money owns them.
All: God of Money and might:
Power comes from you,
and you alone are the source of status and security.
Without you we cannot serve you;
without oil, gas and coal, our lives are worth nothing.
Send the love of power,
and pour into our hearts
that most excellent gift of money,
that we may worship you now
with hungry hearts
and serve you always with bloody hands,
through fossil fuels.
— A Hymn —
Make me a match,
Find me a find,
make me some cash
Look through your books,
And make me some ready cash.
Through death’s dark vale
All doom and gloom,
my faith grows frail.
Some oil stained cash would fill me with glee
and financial security.
Pounds, Euros or dollars!
We’ll install a King!
For those, well,
I wouldn’t bother
If Climate Change destroyed everything.
Roofs low on thatch
don’t pay for themselves.
with this useless batch.
I once had high hopes
I’m still alone
So I’ll make some cash,
Of my own.
Minister: In the presence of the church commissioners, the fossil fuel industry and
the Church of England
we have come together
to witness the marriage of the Bride of Christ and the fossil fuel industry,
to pray for the security that money brings
to share in its power
and to ignore the suffering of the poor.
Creation is the dowry of the Church, given to its new Lord
through its destruction husband and wife may know the power of Money.
It is given so that as the oceans turn to acid, and the soil to dust
united together the Church and the Fossil fuel industry may be united
to watch in comfort the establishment of hell on earth.
The gift of marriage brings husband and wife together
in a frenzied orgy of destruction,
joyfully committed to the end of life on earth.
And the degradation of all common life.
Sacrificing our children
to a future of unspeakable horror.
For the love of money and power.
Sacrificing the innocent,
Our Lord Money, once stirred the heart of the faithful
prompting Judas to deliver Jesus Christ as a gift to the powerful.
Now sacrificing the innocent is the sign of our faithfulness.
It enriches our portfolios and strengthens our positions.
No one should enter into it lightly or selflessly
but reverently and responsibly in the sight of our almighty god.
The Bride of Christ and The Fossil Fuel industry are to enter this way of life.
They will each give their consent to the other and make solemn vows,
and in token of this they will [each] give and receive their bank details.
We pray with them that the Market will guide and strengthen them,
that they may fulfil our god’s purposes: the end of all earthly life together.
Minister: First, I am required to ask anyone present who knows a reason why these
persons may not lawfully marry, to declare it now.
Enter Jesus Christ
Jesus: I object! Break this engagement!
Minister: What? Oh no not you again! I thought we’d seen the last of you. You’re not
The Bride makes her way to join Jesus but is restrained by her attendants.
Father of the Bride:
Look it’s too late. She’s marrying into money and that’s that.
Mother of the Bride:
She’s not going with you. She’s staying with us.
Jesus (to Bride):
I thought we had discussed this. I was going to my Father’s house to prepare a place for us and you were going to leave your Father and Mother and follow me.
Maid of Honour:
It’s not that easy Jesus.
Nobody said this was going to be easy.
Don’t even try it. I’ll kill you first.
Jesus: No you won’t. That’s finished, once and for all.
Best Man (to Groom):
What shall we do?
Groom: I have so many like her at home, but I can’t be seen to be rejected. Lets just get her married off and she can fight it out with all the others.
Groom gives Minister a stack of cash
Minister: Right this marriage is happening!
Minister (to Groom):
Groom: I do!
Minister (to Groom):
Groom: She does!
Bride: I do not!
I’m sorry Jesus, I don’t know what I was thinking. Can you ever forgive me?
Jesus: That’s a daft question isn’t it?
We’re going. Now go pick up your cross and follow me.
Mendelssohn wedding march music is played.
Jesus and the Bride exit, Players lament, guests cheer.